Sometimes I’m asked “how do you know you’re getting bad again,” and I haven’t been sure how to answer until now.
As I am frantically searching for my Nintendo 2ds with cheery Christmas music playing in my ear, I feel the wave crush me. This wave is a good feeling though, it means I’m finally coming out of whatever funk had wrapped its talons around the weakness of my mind.
I see clean clothes piled in a basket. Clothes that had been left untouched because I was too busy slumming around in my pajamas. My bedside table is covered in pop bottles, all collected from my late night snacking because “I’m bored but I can’t be bothered to sleep”. The garbage can is overflowing with candy wrappers because sugar gave me an artificial hype for things that I had loved so much but now find boring.
The music playing through my headphones seem to be trying as hard as it possibly can to pull me from the depths of my own self loathing, and suddenly I’m filled with motivation. I suppose I should finish this and clean, perhaps share a picture to prove I actually did something.
Who knows, maybe I’ll let the mystery stay alive, and anyone reading this can wonder “did she decide to get her shit together,” because I’m just mean like that.
For anyone going through a slump, I promise you will claw your way out. Even if you claw your way out at 11:00 pm, you will do it. And when you do, I will be so proud of you.
Much love, all.