It’s time

My son was born in 2009, and I stated right then and there that I would let him live a happy and comfortable life. Sometimes that life would be filled with lessons, but one thing I’ll never do is point out how out of shape he is.

About two years ago I decided to allow him to use a tablet, but only for learning games. When he showed me that he could be responsible enough, he could have more age appropriate games that he could play after he earned time.

Fast forward to 2017, my son is in baseball, and I’m becoming the mother I never wanted to be. As I watch him during practice, I blame myself for everything. I never actually made him go outside and get in shape. If he was bored, I’d make him read, after which he could have fifteen minutes on his tablet. It was a constant cycle of him not moving, basically becoming a couch potato.

I look in the mirror that’s sitting in my room on my dresser and I notice I’ve gained some weight. My pants don’t fit anymore, and I can’t help but hate it. My friend has been begging me to come to the gym with her, but I always turned her down. Maybe now is the time to actually go. Maybe if  I start getting into shape, my kids will follow suit, or it will be easier to get the out and moving around.

Maybe I’ll change my mind after day two? I know day one made me extremely tired, and my body is throwing a fit, but I also know I’ve only smoked two cigarettes today. Maybe it’s time to reset the quit app, and start all over. Maybe I need to actually follow through with my quit attempts for once. I need to get used to the fact that I don’t need to smoke, and that I’ll be okay without it. For eight years it’s been my security blanket, and all hell breaks loose when I don’t smoke. Maybe for once in my life  I need to follow through and get rid of the bad habits. I can always find a gym to go to, or use the one at our park. Maybe every day I go and run, and take my son with me. Maybe this is what I needed to see?

I heard that working out is good for a bunch of mental illnesses, if you can manage to get to that point. But I think I’m there. Soon my kids will be too, and we can all be healthy together.