My mom always told me that a clean room makes that room peaceful for you. At the time, I figured she was just saying this to get me to clean my room. I mean come on…that’s what moms do, tie a “benefits you” reason to do a task. I’m guilty of this with my kids.
I was discharged from the program on Friday, and when I got home I noticed I was avoiding my room. I chalked this up to healthy sleep hygiene but learned the real reason later that night.
The moment my head hit the pillow I felt this wave of uneasiness and anger. I was living in a pigstye! Half drank pop bottles riddled the wobbly and crammed TV tray stationed next to the head of my bed. Half packages of whatever snacks I decided to dine on in the wee hours of the morning were thrown haphazardly in between bottles and papers. Ugh. Just thinking about it gives me chills. I looked like a teenager living in a nearly 27-year-old body. No good.
Saturday I decided I had enough. No more filth, it’s time to erase the old. We went to Walmart and devised a plan. I got a stand for those fancy cloth drawers and went from there. I knew my son had an extra nightstand and dresser in his room that he no longer used for the intended purpose. I brought both upstairs and began the grueling task of tidying up.
Each area I kept asking myself, “why? why did I let myself get like this?”. Before I knew it, my room was finally cleared of the garbage and negative energy. My nightstand is cleared and I have a better feeling coming into my room. My diffuser is sitting next to my bed, inviting me into a good nights rest, and my overall attitude has improved greatly.
The clearing of trash felt like I was getting rid of the old me, the me that wallowed in self-pity and decided life is too hard and that naps were the way to go. The same me that would lay awake at night picking myself apart, letting the anxious thoughts consume me. I spent nights laying in the darkness crying, wondering why I couldn’t be _________ enough.
Now I lay in bed with my loving husband and realize I am ________ enough. I am beautiful, I am worthy of loving myself.
If I have any advice for you today, I’d say practice being mindful. Go into a room that makes you uncomfortable and begin changing it!
Remember this: you are worthy, you are _____ enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH.