I open my eyes, just begging for five more minutes of sleep. As I lay in my bed, my body starts jerking, twitching at the thought of being awake and being still. I groan to myself as I roll over, as if my restlessness has taken on a human form and is laying next to me. The twitching gets worse, and I finally cave. Fine…I’m up.
I grab the blue pack of “sanity sticks”, though most people tell me that smoking will only kill me faster. I fumble with the flip top before actually retrieving a cigarette, thinking to myself “one day, I won’t be a smoker,” but that day is not today. My feet hit the floor, nearly jump-starting my mind.
Clean your room – you have about 30% motivation today.
Check the child’s room – I think you should clean it this time.
Did we have coffee yet? – make a full pot this morning.
Don’t forget to eat today, I’ve told the body to shut down with me if you keep ignoring us.
Shower today, and let’s try for makeup. The face promised to be nice today.
Don’t forget to make a hair appointment, you’re looking like you don’t care again.
Can you wear something other than pajamas before you put on your uniform?
This my friend, is why I need my “sanity sticks”. My brain never shuts off, it’s always throwing ideas at me non-stop. I tune it out and walk upstairs, making a cup of coffee. The Keurig has been a life saver, since I don’t have to do very much. As I wait for my cup of energy, I wander to the living room and begin cleaning. Dirty clothes – down the laundry chute, blankets – straightened out and folded. The table looks a little dirty, I should probably clean it off. I glance up at the T.V. – yep, that’s dirty too. The cat’s have their toys scattered around the cat tree – those need picked up. I am just about to lean down when my bladder all but screams at me. Oh…that’s right. I haven’t completely woken up yet.
Even in the bathroom I am bothered by my mind. The sink is dirty – clean that. I grab for the cleaner and rag, when I notice the closet is a little unorganized. Time to straighten this up. I shift the towels to where they are sitting straight, and work on shifting the washcloths and other odds and ends. I’m just about to shut the door when I spot it. Ooh, the vacuum, you know what to do. I throw my head back in defiance, but end up dragging the hunk of metal and plastic to the living room. After ten minutes, the living room is clean and I can put the vacuum back in its home…which stores the bathroom cleaner…which I didn’t use to clean the sink. I know…I’ll just pretend I didn’t see it…I can always clean the sink later. The thoughts kick-start again, this time in the form of small panics. FINE. I clean the sink and turn around. Might as well do the tub too, the toilet needs cleaned. My stomach growls in the midst of all the cleaning. Shit…I forgot to eat. I scramble to the kitchen and pop a slice of bread in the toaster.
Why is it called a toaster? Why not… – don’t you dare try to joke with me, brain. You have had me cleaning like a mad woman this morning. I haven’t even had a chance to…
MY COFFEE!! I throw my head back, wondering how I could forget about something that I consume every morning. I grab the cup and take a sip, nearly spitting it out all over the counter. It’s cold, of course. There are things in my life that just shouldn’t happen if you want me to like you. The most important rule, however…do not ever distract me from my morning coffee…EVER.
The toaster pops, as does my last remaining shred of sanity. Food is ready, I told you to eat. Now you – SHUT UP FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I work at night, and I don’t want to be up at 9:00 am to be Cinderella, but since you woke me up, I’m going to have a hot cup of coffee and a cigarette. You decided to bark orders at me and I have cleaned THREE rooms in this god forsaken house, before the clock struck ten. Now if you don’t mind, I’m eating my toast, drinking my now cold coffee, and I’m going to sit here and do the one thing you never let me do…
Lesson nine: Don’t be afraid to take a moment for yourself.