With the latest regarding the Kavanaugh allegations, I’ve seen comments from men AND women, saying the allegations shouldn’t count because she didn’t report them soon enough. Let me show you what happens when you DO report as it happens.
At a previous job, I had a man whistle at me, followed by a “hey sexy” every time I walked past him. I was taught to tune it out, they give up if you don’t react. So I did. Let me tell you, the boy never gave up. No, instead he came to the said job, went to the back where he saw me working, and cornered me. Terrified, wanting to scream and cry, I swallowed my fear and told him “there’s only one way this will end. My knee is ball level. You will feel pain.”
He laughed and told me he likes a girl that plays hard. I was terrified. All I could do was scream “Get the FUCK away from me!” He backed off because he had heard other people come in the store. He KNEW he’d be caught. He then proceeded to go up to my coworker and tell them that I WAS FUCKING NUTS! That he was just saying hi to his favorite girl.
I went to my boss the next day and filled her in. I told her I REFUSE to be in that situation again, and that I need to be put on morning shifts where there are more than two people at all times. Her reply? “He doesn’t know any better. He thought you were flirting.”
I WAS DOING MY JOB. MY JOB INVOLVED WASHING DISHES. HOW THE HELL DOES WASHING DISHES COME OFF AS FLIRTING!?
Another job, I was taking care of various paperwork when a guest came up and told me his card wasn’t charged. I told him I could fix it for him and as I leaned over to encode it, I saw him staring down my shirt. I brushed it off as nothing, thinking I was just tired. He was there for four more nights. Every single night, he would come down and his card would be “disabled” and pull the whole, “maybe I’m not doing it right. Why don’t you come upstairs and show me what to do.” When I reported this to my manager and upper managers, they told me there’s not much they can do, and to stay at the desk. I asked if I could wear a sweater to COVER MYSELF UP, ya know, so he DIDN’T HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LOOK AT MY BOOBS, and they told me I could for one night. That anything more was not considered professional. That man was a guest there for four more nights, and I worked in that area for FOUR MORE NIGHTS. I WAS A FUCKING WRECK. Each night he asked me to come up and show him “how it’s done”.
Or how about the ex I had that would literally HAVE SEX WITH ME while I was asleep. He would beg and beg for sex. Each time I said no. I was not in a good space at the time, and wanted nothing to do with him (long story short I did try to leave but he caught me and threatened to have me locked up in a nut house). He waited until I was asleep and took what he wanted. Yes, you read that correctly. He TOOK what he wanted after I told him NO. How would I know that? I woke up during! I would push him off me, cry, hit, do whatever it took for him to stop. He didn’t stop until he was finished. I WANTED TO DIE. I TOLD HIM NO. He also paid me to have sex with him once the act was finished. But only when I’d say yes. I WENT FROM BEING A GIRLFRIEND TO A GLORIFIED HOOKER. I told my therapist, my one moment of sanity during that fucked up relationship, and he told me to go to the police. MY EX WAS BEST FRIENDS WITH A LOT OF THE COPS. THAT ASSHOLE HAD THEM CONVINCED I WAS INSANE AND LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. None of them took me seriously. NONE. Each time I tried, they always replied: “it could be a misunderstanding”. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER SAYING “NO I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU”?
Tell me, why is it that people don’t report? We don’t report because NOBODY FUCKING LISTENS. I am STILL in therapy regarding my ex. I REPORTED AND WAS ACCUSED OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. So tell me, am I to be discredited? Are all the nightmares I have just…nothing? Because I did report, and my ex is NOT IN PRISON. I did report to managers and I was told I must remain professional, or that he didn’t know any better.